Mike got married to his first wife at about age 25, had three kids and walked out of the union a few years later. He got married to another woman, had two kids and also left after a couple of years. He got married to the next wife, had kids and also left the union after a few years.
Presently Mike is in his fifties, single with no contact with any of their wives or kids. He understands, while narrating his story, he is the issue rather than the women. You’re the frequent reason in many relationships, whether casual, official, marital or family.
Thus the change for a better relationship starts with you. All of us have natural instincts to fight or flee in any threat or crisis. The fight or flee answers arrive in different ways and might have a positive or negative impact on you as an individual and in your connection generally.
So as to get the ideal result you will need to know the ideal step to take in almost any challenge or crisis. By way of instance, fleeing from your job due to a conflict with a colleague can make you jobless and send you back into the labour market, but battling”favorably” to solve the conflict is going to keep you in that job and make you a better person ( as a consequence of what you learn in the course of Likewise fleeing from your union because of challenges will result in separation or divorce that’s not the right for you, your partner or your kids.
On the other hand, remaining to fight in a physically abusive marriage may cost your life. Fleeing means, giving up on yourself, your partner, your marriage/relationship or about the circumstance. Struggling”positively” means, taking a critical look at how to solve the conflict.
Our focus isn’t about fleeing from your marriage and relationship but fighting favorably to save your marriage. Most times we struggle, but negatively and this makes things worse. Fighting positively means making the desired change in your marriage or relationship difficulties.
Among the best ways to make the desired change in your marriage and relationship would be for the change to begin with you. Do a personal assessment to locate your areas of flaws (like; anger, impatience, hatred yourself and others, low self-esteem, bitterness, etc.) What you know about yourself, what others (your partner, friends, and family) complaint about you’re a pointer to exactly what your weaknesses are.
This doesn’t imply being tough or judgmental on yourself, not at all. Most of us have flaws, but we can work on our field of weakness for a much better person. This means cultivating good habits or personalities and ruining bad ones. Additionally, it involves destroying negative emotions such as fear, anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, low self-esteem, and others.
Negative or positive habits occur through aware of constant practice. Our goal for a much better, conflict-free relationship is going to be the motivating factor for falling off bad habits and negative emotions and for building up good ones. Habits are formed within a period of approximately three months of continuous practice. Keep at it and you’ll be a better you.
Remaining or fleeing out of your marriage and relationship rely mostly on your perception about yourself, another person and your own situation. The brain is the battlefield area in the affairs of life, that is, your winning or losing begins from the mind. If you feel that you will win, you will. If you believe the situation is impossible, it is. If you believe there’s a way out, there is.
So, how do you see yourself and life challenges that you’re going through right now? I see challenges as opportunities to learn, be a better person, move forward in life and help others to walk through similar scenarios victoriously. To remain and conquer that challenge; you need to see God’s divine ability for one to succeed beyond your shortcomings, you must see beyond how awful your situation looks and other bad opinions about you or the circumstance.
You’ve got all it takes to go through life, your marriage or any relationship successfully. You’re not a failure, you have all you have to succeed, just look in and bring out the treasure in you. Do not reside in self-condemnation, self-pity, low self-esteem, and other self-destructive trends – which makes life miserable.
Another instrument for a successful marriage or relationship is the perception of your partner. Do not see your partner or another person as the primary problem, it takes two to tango. Identify ways in which you’re contributing to the disasters (such as through uncontrolled anger, impatience, selfishness) and look for personal solutions by making necessary alterations.
Do not concentrate on your partner’s faults or shortcomings; instead, search for positive methods of responding or reacting to his/her shortcomings. Watch out for something to love on your partner – the more you live on this the less you will concentrate on his/her weakness. No matter how bad it seems, there’s something great about your partner, if you haven’t seen any; you will need to have a deeper look to find it.
All of us have strong and weak points; the issue is that we often focus more on the negative than the positive side. The truth is it was one or more of your partner’s good personality that brought you to their first, but focusing on the poor characters over time has covered Now’s the time to change your attention from the poor to the good. The more of your partner’s powerful characters you see, the less evident their weaknesses become.